The Many Worlds of Shamim Chowdhury: A memoir

[Zeeshan]

The Many Worlds of Shamim Chowdhury: A Memoir

SHAMIM CHOWDHURY, or Shamim Cowdrey, or even Sammy Cowdrey (??-present) is a Bangladeshi born commentator, wordsmith, mentor, comedian, philosopher, artiste, culinary expert, soil analyst amongst other diverse interests that he is known to be master of in addition to his trademark Yorkshire accents that has often be described as that of a dulcet radio broadcaster. He is often ranked as the number one commentator of  southeastern part of South East Asia.

But few are aware of his amazing colourful personality such as donning the regalia of Henry VIII in unmistakable hackney swagger regaling us with anecdotes of Lord Nelson and why 111 is named so, or even the etymology behind "Chokka" of so-called "Chokka Nayeem", latter picking up the moniker
for his six hitting abilities.

However, the road was not rosy and as the emblem of War of Roses' heraldic symbols hanging his commentary box vouches it was indeed a bloody rise to power and fame.

L'uomo universale, or the Universal Man, was a man of mythic talents, a polymath concept of the Renaissance Europe
of whose examples often include Leonardo da Vinci, Leon Battista Alberti, Avicenna, Rudolf Steiner. Shamim Chowdhury has been often an epitome of one such Bangladeshi individual, often as Nitun Kundu, or sculptor of words, or Walter Cronkite of Bangladesh.

As a toddler, his first word was "sussurous" when his playmates were struggling with rudimentary alphabets
of the dictionary. He immediately composed a haiku in a rapturous epiphany seeing a ball roll on the grass
while visiting his nana-bhai's house in Narsinghdi:

sussurous roll of gentle leather
locust eyes
she sleeps silent

The lad's talent was obvious and whatever he specialized in he developed mastery such as English language in which he expressed great command. Raised in Eton, moving to Cambridge, he would be a reader at Gottingen and critics often condemn his constant migration as exposure to diverse cultures that are often apparent in such wordplay as: Haque hoicked it over the hawker

or,

Naeem Islam got a life, and now he's responsible for taking the life AWAY of Mehrab Hossain Jr.

Completing his hablitationschifft, the maestro would travel to the ortive parts of southeast Asia and live with the Rangamati tribes to learn the art of weaving to weave his words into ingenious wordplays.

Chowdhury would pick up archery, dentistry, wood-smith, plumbing, upholstery, pottery, metallurgy, soil specialization and some "agricultural" fields that are often expressed in his rich vocabularies during a match commentary.

After landing a lucrative job as a sports commentator he would exhibit creative differences with his fellow commentator
Athar Ali Khan. However in 2013 BPL, Shamim Chowdhury would still be trending with hash-tags all over twitter with such gem of one-liners in nail-biters after Arun Lal's: "Those certainly look nice" at the cheerleader surrounded car for man-of-the-series with a lightning wit of "Those girls or the car Arun? Which one?" to which a rather befuddled Arun replied: "The car of course."

As of present moment Shamim Chowdhury has been practicing the art of sailing martial sports where one dances around a dinghy
fighting cavalier pirates to get a "feel" to "dance around his words".

Whether Shamim Chowdhury can return strongly taking five wickets in the opening test at Galle, remains to be seen but his unmistakable chuckle of schadenfreude (or freudenschade) can still be heard drifting afar like Doppler Effect.

[Zeeshan]

Tomorrow: The Unapologetic Buffoon:An autobiography of Chowdhury Jafarullah Sharafat!!

[Zeeshan]

For a fee i will do anyone's memoir!even idumb's sandal shoo fetish!!

[Shadow]

We need more memoirs.

[Roy_1]

Eta ki bhashay likhlen Zeeshan da? Mathar bohu upor diye beriye gelo, it is easier to understand rocket science man, do dumb them down some times for semi educated hacks like me

[fush_montor]

awesome write up Zeeshan...the level of 'word-smithery' is almost as good as Mr. Cowdrey himself...but us earthlings can only go so far..

[Zeeshan]

Originally Posted by Shadow
We need more memoirs.

Thanks for the bump I guess. Not one of my more fluent work. Shakib's bio coming up.

[Zeeshan]

Shakib al Hasan: Mozart of Cricket



An Inauspicious Birth

Yes, unlike Mozart he was not born in Salzburg or Sholobagh, Magura. However Magura does sound like Salzburg. But unlike Austria we don't see Austrian connection rather Australian connection.

Most legends have birth dates. But for Shakib al Hasan astrologers say he was born to bring Australia down.

Perfect Pitch

It was said he 'pitched' his perfect delivery when he merely threw an apple at age three. By age six, he discovered photographic memory and he could predict all games into their alternate reality bifurcating from variation of his bowling line and length like Nicolas Cage in Next. At age 10, while on a ferry ride to Jatrabari he apparently committed to memory the entire Tendulkar's 200 feat to see at what point he could've got him out just seeing the match once.

Teenage phenom

At age sixteen he was giving one man performances in Magura. He was playing in his imagination 1 man vs 100 and he was surprisingly beating them and winning them all.

At age nineteen, he entered BKSP. It was said after he joined the letters BKSP automatically alphabetized to BKPS or Because Kids Preach Shakib.

Yes Shakib was a religion by now. It wasn't unusual to see in Dhaka two students in white uniform and black pants would walk down the street and knock on doors passing vouchers to convert people to this new religion.

Adult years

It is said during his early 20s he bought the patent to the phrase "#1". So basically #1 Frog Expert to #1 Frogologist (As in Army Guy) to #1 Bowlologist (As in Damien Fleming's Shakib inspired school) or #1 NASA scientist or #1 Shell Collector or #1 Unix coder...you were basically acknowledging Shakib al Hasan.

Reason is because scientists say it is simply 'easier'. It is just easy to say Shakib al Hasan instead of #1 this and that.

To which Athar Ali Khan is countersueing in the amount of 10 billion dollars.

Later years

At this the Wikipedia breaks down, redirects to 'portal' and basically asks, 'What do you want to envision? Just frikkin write dude'.

So you can pretty much make any dumb stuff up basically like Shakib resigns, Bangladesh loses. Any Thing Goes basically which sums up his other moniker 'ATG".

Mozart years and performance

Every ball Shakib bowls is a chord and every over a score and basically every innings a symphony and every series an opera.

Soap opera.

His performance includes when he left New Zealand in tatters. As in he dressed as a homeless man in disguise and asked who do Blackcaps regard as the great of all time (g.o.a.t) to which unsuspect players all replied his name late at night in bar and pubs. It also includes when he scored 200. Not 200 miniuets in his pianoforte. Instead 200 times female DJs went swooning in RADIO FOORTI to much chagrin of his wife.

Shakib solved Kryptos. Basically Shakib's economy figures encrypt a vignerre cipher to solve the most defying problem ever.

Personal life and personality

It is said Shakib like Leonardo da Vinci and Einstein is a southpaw. He is described to be aloof, only because he 'ball ta a'loofey ney'.

Critique

Critics request Shakib for feedback they should publish.

Legacy

Shakib has been featured on coins....







....of Russia, Bulgaria, Slovakia,Afghanistan, Albania,Algeria,Andorra,Angola,Antigua & Deps, Argentina...
...Cameroon, Canada, Cape Verde.... Madagascar, Malawi, Maldives....Vietnam, Yemen, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Southern Africa, Northern Africa, Northern Territory of Southern Hemisphere as well as children suddenly finding all their numismatic collection suddenly changing their sides to his magical face.

[Zeeshan]

Mohammad Ashraful: the Lal Bagh Prodigy

Mohammad Ashraful (January 1, Time 0– Forever and ever...), also known as "the infant scholar of Lalbagh" the maidan where he grew up as a maidan bowler (conversely as a maiden bowler) and later to "Lalmatia" gully was a mythical Bangladeshi child prodigy. It is said that when he was eight weeks old, he could speak German in which he said 'nein' when asked 'how many players come after him in the great list of top ten of all time?' He was also capable of prodigious mental calculation. For instance when asked how many runs will he score in 1999 to which he calculated 1999 x 10000 to 2 million three hundred and fifty eight.

He read the Pentateuch at age one, and between the ages of two and three, he read the Old and New Testament in Latrine.

When he was three years old, he was said to have authored A History of Dhanmondi Cricket and recited it to students flirting in Dhanmondi 27 area later the same year.

While his exploits certainly seem hard to believe from a current perspective, they are relatively well documented for the standards of the time, e.g. Imran Khan wrote an essay about the child (calling him an "ingenium praecox").[2]

Related
Child prodigy
Genius
Gifted education
Intellectual giftedness

Sources
Barlow, F. Mental prodigies. New York: Philosophical Library, 1952. (Out of Print)
Klaus J. Hennig: Ein Kind zum Anbeten. In: Die Zeit. 22. Dezember 1999.

References
"Unsterblichkeit der Frühe". Süddeutsche Zeitung. Feuilleton (in German). January 17, 2004. p. 15.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mohammad Ashraful

[jabbar]

The shakib memoir deserves its own thread!

[aklemalp]

Originally Posted by jabbar
The shakib memoir deserves its own thread!

Agreed!

Btw, I'm loving these mem-wars gopal bhai

[Shadow]

Great stuff.Another one on Tamim would be nice.

[Zeeshan]

The Extraordinary Mind of Tamim IQbal



Born: Gdzden, Bucharest in a small provencal town.
Estimated IQ: Near about 300
Emotional Stability: Rage, instability and controlled aggressiveness
Tattoos? : None
Height: 5'10"
Body built: Athletic
Political Ideology: None
Political affiliations: Basque separatist party
Nickname: the Scarface
Special training: Judo, knife fighting and capoeira
Pet or hobbies: Feeding parrot
Criminal record: Assault and battery, counterattack and onslaught

Next in our lineup is Tamim Iqbal. Raised by his uncle Akram Khan a former Presbyterian minister and clergyman in farms of Nevada. Child prodigy. Attended Delta Force school at eight. Super kinesthetic intelligence and extraordinary gross and fine motor skills and superior coordination. Phyiscal IQ somewhere around 400. Trained to kill. Sports a Basque separatist logo in reverse swastika with dots indicating the rank of Sigma Brotherhood to which he belongs.

Expert in dau and kris, he uses national cricket platform as a hobby to further hone his otherwise-superior hand eye coordination. Oxford student he was a squash champion and even went as far as Olympic standard.

Usually he is dressed in monocles and tuxedo with a cane adorned with an East Indian eagle statue. It was given to him by a chief of Lakota tribe after his fearless assault against Omanese insurgents.

His starred in three movies including King Kong against Hong Kong and penned an essay in Military Intelligensia journal on how to shave millimeters from lens refraction of a rifle scope.

His diet is moderate save but few glasses of champagne late at night. Enjoys eating crustacean salad with lemon meringue pie and brussel sprouts. Known for yogi like ascetic rigor. His morning ritual involves three hours of hatha yoga followed by some strange ashtanga rituals and bran cereal.

Seldom he misses training. The last training he missed all coincided with leap days of odd years. He is fluent in Czech, Polish, Latvian, Thai and Malay. He has three toucans and a Malagasy lemur as well his parakeets that he programmed to solve differential equations.

His gym routine involves log training, jumping on pillars, writing Macbeth in underwater drowning test and solving visuo spatial tangram puzzles while climbing coconut trees.

As of yesterday, he is loose somewhere in streets of Dhaka either disguised as a Chinese dealer in shady opium dens of Green Road trying to extract information about North Korean nuclear status.

His former mentor includes Leibniz, Goethe, Winston Churcill, Jesus, Buddha and God, whom he zealously maintains he met under various LSD trips with peyote-shamans in jungle of Belize when their Cessna malfunctioned on a mission to defect Lithuanian government spies.

In an interview in Mind magazine he says he meditates in a sensory deprivation tank for eight hours under ketamine visualizing each and his every moves in a cricket match to follow next day giving a shade to his 500 run onslaught against Pakistan last year in 2019 in Test out of just 33 balls.

Athletically he is a mesomorph and biologically there are no incongruency in his chromosomes although missing amygdala the system known for fear.

His motor skills involve anything from projectiles to balancing and complex fragments of hand to hand skill after years of wing chuan.

On Sundays he takes part in World Dressage Championship, that strangely is held every Sunday of the Year.

Finally, he has signed a 88 billion dollar contract recently with Tesla founder for research on cryogenic chamber for future transmission of his demi-god like computer program model.

[Zeeshan]

I, Jafarullah

Seugnum Omnim Inverebra
Never ponder your enemies mistake. -Thucydides c. 387 BC

I read Wiener at four and predicted Warner's movement at six. It is perhaps this latent intuition enabled me to predict opponent's move beforehand that has led me to blindfolded commentary at eight.

By nine, having lost my plethora of bioluminescence collection by being broken into my phytoplankton and zooplankton cases, I decided to use my thought patterns to predict and thwart people's crime beforehand.

It is merely by chance having seen three permutations of different color smarties, I stumbled upon my linguistic gift of pattern recognition and interesting combination of literary artifacts.

If it can be square of the wicket, then why not wicket square of, or rather square the wicket, or rather of the square wicket...?

I asked.

My lateral hemisphere burst upon ideas after ideas and I kept concocting various conglomerations as "square cut" "Backward cut" "Backward square" "Deep mid leg on" and I kept inventing complex internal rhyme schemes.

Thucydides once famously quipped after reading battle fought by Agamemnon not to give a hoot to you what your enemies think. Perhaps I took that maxim to heart when I really didn't give any care about my presentation miseschewed by mainstream news media as Times and Guardian.

I must lament that media has rather unfairlingly portrayed me as a highly functioning sociopath and as some sort of monster. They certainly remain unwarranted as far as my intellect is concerned.

Returning to my youth, I must confess during my research with DARPA to create the ultimate holodeck for simulcram of cricket match led me to work with Von Neumann with whom I developed close bond. It was during one of those most uncertain test drive I lost him in hyperspace having failed to initiative the launcher button.

He will forever be intertwined with bits and pieces. But such engine, behemoth, at that which can predict taking Shannon entropy or which has now, correctly rather, thoroughly been repainted as Sharafat entropy, the total permutation of games possible in the history of entire universe.

There is no endgame where I don't exist either as the ultimate creator of this rather massive quantum chess game whereby in this lattice like grid of the cosmic dimension I control and manipulate the coordinates simply with my breathing pattern.

I have in my youth and later years perfected my control of Hamiltonian rotor manipulation with my thought alone that I could just control Nathan Lyon's torque from his arm and entertain various outcome of matches.

The better question in my humble opinion is if there would be any progeny ushered into this almanac of mankind having proven with my portending powers Man's triumph over chance by transcending the limit of a probabilistic sport to control its given outcome.

I leave the curious reader with this rather lowly wit:

2 y dy = ( x 2 + 1) dx

[Shadow]

^^

[Zeeshan]

eder ejekjoner bhabshab dekhle money hoy ekekjon ubermensch... Upormanob jahake bole superhuman....

Jaihok shadow you really shouldn't have rekindled my old flame for writing... Now whole bc be regretting it lol...

Taking new requests. Although curious character of Enamul Haque Moni do intrigue me.

[Zeeshan]

Moni: The Bad Boy of Cricket



Unlike most of the above child prodigies and geniuses, our next hero never had the chance or opportunity to be brought up with silver spoon or as a de rigueur talent nor as someone steeped in encyclopedic knowledge only to maximize their talents and flashes of brilliance with hard work and effort to keep soaring with the rest in their vimana.

Former crack dealer, who could easily have been another statistic in Gulistan literally turned his life around in a trip to Ibiza. As the story goes, probably apocryphal, after a whirlwind all night-all weekend party in the coast of Spain as he lost control of his ice-blue Lamborghini, he frantically kept pushing his brake. "If it wasn't for divine intervention", he later confirmed to TMZ, "I wouldn't even be here." In fact, as he kept moving his arms and legs desperately, his elbow 'mistakenly' pushed the gear to 'neutral' thereby saving his life as he crashed onto the side cliff veering off shoulder. And that motif has been his guiding force for the remainder of his tenure.

Known for extraordinary umpiring skills, after the sport he would embrace wholeheartedly following his great Awakening to detox his mind, body and spirit of the years and years of harmful substance abuse, he is often described as "tough nut to crack". Fondly referred by his colleagues, umpires and admirers as the "Simon Cowell of Bangladesh" it is perhaps to great irony the man who survived most of his teenage lives evading the law would rise up to be great adjudicator of the Noble Sport.

His name "Moni" refers to one of the three "jewels" of Bangladesh. The other being Jewel Aich and Jewel Rana. It is also emblematic of his "All-Seeing" Eye of Horus nature when umpiring on field as well as his face being the mascot for Panopticon that has recently replaced the official logo for PRISM, the global mass surveillance unit.

[Zeeshan]

A white Maserati Ghibli pulls over in the terrace by the gazebo of an Italian villa in front of a wide porch with colonnade by the garden on which grazes a tiger.

Camera pans into white pointed shoes made of alligator skin as a man steps out of his car. Mahmadullah Riyahd played by Akshay Kumar. He is wearing brown cord tuxedo and white gloves.

Dhoom maaachaaa lee............



A svelte and lithe trainer carrying tennis racket introduced. Borsha played by Priyanka Chopra looks at his watch. It reads 10:02. She comments in monosyllables: Late.

Mahmudullah Riyad: main aapako do minit headstart chaahata tha.

"Whatever." Priyanka says. Then she peers over her sunglasses: "And who is this? yah kya hai?" She says looking at Nayla Naeem played by Nayla Naeem. Shabbir got out of the passenger side with his sweetheart.

"That's none of your business." Nayla Naeem played by Nayla Naeem snaps.

"Anyway? Shall we?" Mahmudullah Riyad says.

All four head to a tennis court. After four hour intense rally Mahmudullah Riyad takes off his head band. He is tired. He just beat Priyanak one-on-one.

He looks at his watch. (It reads 10:58): "Do minit. Sref do minit."

Dhoom maaachaaa lee............

[Mandatory Song Break. Director plays "Shawa Shawa"]

"So what shall we do now?" trainer Priyanka asks.

"We can take the speed boat to a gelato?" Shabbir says

"Not a bad idea. You are not a boy after all." Priyanka says.

Nayla makes retching expression.

The four take the speedboat as hooligans shoot them from helicopter all of a sudden. Mahmudullah takes the dockage rope and lassos like a Western hero and shoots a loop around the tail of the chopper and brings it down. As the helicopter draws closer, Shabbir grabs the ak-47 rifle from the hooligan shooting from the side and as Riyad lets it go Sabbir shoots the speed boats gas tank that Nayla Naeem attached to the back of the chopper.

The helicopter explodes in mid air.

Dhoom maaachaaa lee............




[Intermission]

Someone else please continue...