2nd BD trip and Bride-hunting experiences

[Dilscoop]

When I said rate this thread, I didn't ask you guys to paint it RED! That's only for Zee's stuff. This is actually quite good. Should be 5 green stars!

@ Maysun's story. WOW. Are you sure it wasn't crisis?

[NoName]

Damn the opening post is gone.

[Dilscoop]

Originally Posted by NoName
Damn the opening post is gone.

It's been quoted **** load of time.

I'm just waiting for a parody of this thread to pop up soon.

[Purbasha T]

Originally Posted by BengalT
crisis bhia, you should have gone to sylhet for marriage, enough pretty girls and clean. recently one of my cousin got married in sylhet his from dubai, took atleast 3 months to find a bride. its either issues with bride/groom side. if anyone is looking to get married please visit Sylhet, nice and pretty girls there and very respectful, I am just promoting, good for Sylhet Economy

I take it as your naivety (or lack of sales skills should I say, you mentioned economy) that you tried to promote Sylhet that way. Traditionally, I've seen people around me consider Sylhet and Chittagong to be the more ''religious'' parts of BD. This may be distorted but I think the claim links to the past arrivals of auliyas or religious saints in numbers in these areas. But even though that claim may have had some truth to it 15-20 years ago, it's all changing rapidly now. I spent all my childhood and teens in Sylhet and I wouldn't think Sylhet is any ''purer'' than any other parts of BD, even though I haven't been to that many. You are allowed to blame it on the westernization but I would put the blame on the families.

[Purbasha T]

I echo the concern about the OP getting steamrolled. A lot of the posters have gone terribly overboard here and I'm surprised to see the uporwalas not objecting to any of that.

And I think the OP couldn't put across quite a few of his points appropriately and as he was voicing his frustration at the lack of ladies meeting or willing to meet his requirements, he ended up asserting things he normally wouldn't; the WASA issue or cleanliness for example or even beautiful girls not having family values etc!

Crisis bro, WANTING a wife from BD with traditional BD values (not necessarily the submissive type) and one who would not want to work outside afterwards etc. is well within your rights. But criticising those who aren't in favour of doing any of those is not fair. It's what they WANT to do and they have their reasons; valid or invalid, but you don't seem too willing to even consider those.

Still you might not be anywhere near the sexist person looking for an ever-compliant spouse that quite a few here tried to label you as, but the following didn't help your cause (I'll try to present views not put across yet):

i) Crap Dhakaiyya life and girls not wanting to move abroad in order to be around their close ones: Life in Dhaka/BD might seem inferior to you now that you have tasted the comfort of the 1st/2nd world countries and maybe that's your priority now. But how can you resent someone's desire to keep living in their homeland, possibly in order to be around their close ones and maybe at the little expense of a few comforts in life? Plus do the women not tend to compromise enough by leaving their own houses once they get married that you demand them to do more?

ii) Relating girls' beauty to their right to have high expectations: This is where even I can't defend you. You're within your rights to marry someone for their beauty alone (as long as she agrees to it... of couse ) but demanding girls, who could be more qualified as individuals personally or academically, to tone it down coz they ain't Katrina Kaif looks-wise is akin to... - you tell me!

iii) Muslim boys/girls in physically intimate relationships: As a Muslim, I agree that is an unwelcome trend. But if you want someone sharing your opinion or your level of religious commitment in issues, you can simply ask (maybe not asking how many bf's they have had, but rather what their views are on this issue). There are plenty of Muslims (hijabis/non-hijabis, cap-beard/no cap-beard) who tend to stay away from this dating business or those who don't but at least wait for physical intimacy until their marriage.

iv) It's best to AVOID any girl who has had a relationship: Practicing Muslim men normally wouldn't say yes to women who is of the opinion that having physical relationships before marriage is fine. But would you consider someone who may have been in relationships before but presently regret their actions?

iv) Love marriages ruining our country: You're entitled to your opinion but I would say that is seemingly an over-generalisation. Love marriages tend to have their downsides (just like arranged marriages with little acquaintance before marriage between the couples) but blaming pre-marital relationships, which may actually include no sex before marriage if that's what your emphasis is on, solely for the ruin (you didn't even mention what type) of our country isn't a defensible claim.

................................

Anyway, many congrats on finding a suitable spouse and I pray to Allah it's a wonderful beginning for both of you iA. And despite all your assertions, claims and complaints; there is little evidence for anyone suggest that you wouldn't be the best husband in the world to your to-be wife. And there is even littler evidence to suggest that you will let that change.

This thread seriously needs a BK bhai touch. Wherefore are thou BKB!

[iDumb]

Watch me say almost the same thing as crisis without offending anyone and people feeling pity for me. Here it goes:

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Man I just came from BD looking for a bride to settle down. It was one of the most horrible experiences I ever had. Whatever happened to the good old days? The days of my father and mother, when women used to have so much motherly qualities? It seems to be extinct now days. My father was the first male person my mother ever spoke to. There is some romaticism there that I miss, and I want to have. I want to find that girl in BD, a beautiful, family oriented girl, just like my mother, and I want me to be her first ever encounter she has with a man.

Most of the girls in BD these days its seems like have boyfriends, pre-marital sex, lack of respect for their husband, easily divorce prone. Are they victims of bollywood and facebook era? Or am I not looking properly. My parents were married for 40 years, my grandparents married for what feels like forever. When my grandfather was in his death bed, I saw my grandmother shedding tear for her husband, holding his hand tight to prevent him from leaving her alone in this world, without much words, that is the most beautiful thing I ever saw in my life. I want a wife who will shed tear for me in my death bed.

I am having such a difficult time finding a good looking muslim girl with the aforementioned qualitites, or even close to it. And when i do find one who is somewhat close, they don't like moving abroad, as they probably heard negative things.

So frustating.
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Now make fun of this and I can go at you and defend myself. But if say things like "crappy dhaikaiya life and filthy middle class ppl" and talk about "attitude of ugly girls", how can you not expect mockery?

[iDumb]

my reply would have been:

And I agree with the above post (my post - lol). I miss the traditional days. The most thing that I miss is the profound respect girls use to have for their husband. They believed in the Islamic saying "shamir payer niches bou er behesto". These days, forget about respect, my wife criticizes me at every single thing that I do and spends more time with her co worker than with me. Such is life. it sucks. Why she needs to work i don't even know, I make enough money to feed her shorishar ilish occasionally (sad thing she doesn't even know how to cook shorishar ilish.. wth man). Maybe I should just lock her up in the closet, and buy her a cooking book, and not let her come out till she masters it; what do u guy think? lol

[Zeeshan]

Originally Posted by Purbasha T
I echo the concern about the OP getting steamrolled. A lot of the posters have gone terribly overboard here and I'm surprised to see the uporwalas not objecting to any of that.

[blah blah blah yawn]

"The uporwalas is dead." -Nichie

[Rifat]

iDumb is a genius i must say

Beautiful response Purbasha bhai!

[iDumb]

Originally Posted by Rifat
iDumb is a genius i must say

thank you thank you, you are far too kind. In all seriousness, I do get somewhat what the thread opener was saying, maybe (but he was so perverse, unforgivable).

For example, Rifat, take you for example. You have lead a decent life by the book. You resisted many urges. You've rejected many girls, because you have some principles you abide by. And when looking for a bride, i am sure you have certain criteria that you want her to meet. You have sacrificed, been a good guy, all your life, for this day, the day you will get married. Why should you settle for anything less than what your desired criteria are? It's not fair right? Why should you be the victim of this fast paced sex crazed society, where everyone are just having sex with each other.. Astagfirullah.

[Purbasha T]

iDumb ain't that dumb after all.

Originally Posted by Rifat
Beautiful response Purbasha bhai!

Thank you Rifat bhai. I knew you would like it, amra je ek-i bonn-er phool.

Originally Posted by Zeeshan
... [blah blah blah yawn]

Good try trying to put the blame on my fingers for your sleepless nights; blame your own, mister.

[Zunaid]

Originally Posted by Purbasha T

Good try trying to put the blame on my fingers for your sleepless nights; blame your own, mister.

The uporwalas sees all knows all.

[Rifat]

Originally Posted by iDumb
thank you thank you, you are far too kind. In all seriousness, I do get somewhat what the thread opener was saying, maybe (but he was so perverse, unforgivable).

For example, Rifat, take you for example. You have lead a decent life by the book. You resisted many urges. You've rejected many girls, because you have some principles you abide by. And when looking for a bride, i am sure you have certain criteria that you want her to meet. You have sacrificed, been a good guy, all your life, for this day, the day you will get married. Why should you settle for anything less than what your desired criteria are? It's not fair right? Why should you be the victim of this fast paced sex crazed society, where everyone are just having sex with each other.. Astagfirullah.

Absolutely! There is nothing wrong with desiring for the best, in fact Islam encourages so "and we have created man in the best of stature"(surah Tin, the Fig)!

[Banglatiger84]

Originally Posted by Purbasha T
iv) It's best to AVOID any girl who has had a relationship: Practicing Muslim men normally wouldn't say yes to women who is of the opinion that having physical relationships before marriage is fine. But would you consider someone who may have been in relationships before but presently regret their actions?

Any guy or girl has the right to demand someone who never had relationships; it is just that it is hypocritical when one of them demands it despite him not having been similarly pure. (I'm not talking about the OP) I have had friends who had GFs but were dead against marrying them , their absurd reasoning was "I wouldnt want to marry someone free enough to sleep around before marriage"

Similarly, if someone regret their actions, it it upto the prospective guy/girl and many times people do overlook.

If this is an issue, it is best for both parties to be clear about their past without going into details so that there is an understanding before marriage.

And yes, even with such growing cases, there are plenty of boys and girls who choose to remain chaste though it may not be immediately apparent .

[iDumb]

Originally Posted by Banglatiger84


And yes, even with such growing cases, there are plenty of boys and girls who choose to remain chaste though it may not be immediately apparent .

yes i agree. I was a virgin before marriage and currently still a virgin after marriage too. How sad. Please someone, take it away. I don't want it.

[Sohel]

Originally Posted by iDumb
yes i agree. I was a virgin before marriage and currently still a virgin after marriage too. How sad. Please someone, take it away. I don't want it.

As a repeat divorcee whose love marriages failed not because of lack of sustained love and other factors but because they weren't arranged and the issue of virginity wasn't an issue, I now want a virgin whose virginity isn't just sexual, but also psychosomatic and sociopolitical. Her favorite drink must be either Virgin Cola or Virgin Orange. Studies have shown that Virgin Lemon will inevitably lead to a state of total existential corruption. She must also insist on flying Virgin Airlines, buy music published only by Virgin Records, and settle in Virginia.

[Zeeshan]

I was hoping to be on Guiness Book for being the oldest v---n alive. Guess what? Mor jala! 80 year old Catholic priests who take vow of celibacy out-pwned me.

[iDumb]

Originally Posted by Sohel
As a repeat divorcee whose love marriages failed not because of lack of sustained love and other factors but because they weren't arranged and the issue of virginity wasn't an issue, I now want a virgin whose virginity isn't just sexual, but also psychosomatic and sociopolitical. Her favorite drink must be either Virgin Cola or Virgin Orange. Studies have shown that Virgin Lemon will inevitably lead to a state of total existential corruption. She must also insist on flying Virgin Airlines, buy music published only by Virgin Records, and settle in Virginia.

haha. damn that was a good post. I didn't think Sohel bhai's post would be this funny. He is like a virgin when it comes to comedy.

What should be her name sohel bhai?

Man we are frustrated trying to get one wife, sohel bhai got 5 or 6, he is a superman. But what i don't understand is how does he still frequent those fancy restaurants in dhaka and live in fancy town in dhaka? his wealth should be like original wealth * .5^6 ...

[Zeeshan]

Virginia Woolf?

iDumb ki hours tours dekho na?

[Sohel]

Originally Posted by iDumb
haha. damn that was a good post. I didn't think Sohel bhai's post would be this funny. He is like a virgin when it comes to comedy.

What should be her name sohel bhai?

Maybe Mosammat Bharzinia Khatun? Or if her parents spent too much time watching Zakir Naik, Musammat Wahginya Khanam?

[Sohel]

@iDumb: Except for a single possible gold-digger I married on the rebound, the other 3 wives (including the California Common Law wife) weren't after my material possessions. I blame my own issues for the divorces BTW, including the one with the possible gold digger. Only one of those marriages could've worked had a waited a few more years to move back to Dhaka, perhaps making a smooth transition from more livable Asian cities like Bangkok, Chiang Mai or New Delhi. I felt I couldn't wait after having lived 25+ years in the US, and by the time Clara realized that living in Dhaka can be fun, it was much too late for reconciliation.

[Zunaid]

It's never too late.

[layperson]

Originally Posted by Sohel
@iDumb: Except for a single possible gold-digger I married on the rebound, the other 3 wives (including the California Common Law wife) weren't after my material possessions. I blame my own issues for the divorces BTW, including the one with the possible gold digger. Only one of those marriages could've worked had a waited a few more years to move back to Dhaka, perhaps making a smooth transition from more livable Asian cities like Bangkok, Chiang Mai or New Delhi. I felt I couldn't wait after having lived 25+ years in the US, and by the time Clara realized that living in Dhaka can be fun, it was much too late for reconciliation.

one question i wanted to ask you but never got around to amid the political chat was why did you decide to move to dhaka ? I would love to know if its not personal to discuss or if even if you want to PM me the answer.

[Zunaid]

It's a great new thread question.

[BengaliPagol]

What al Furqaan bhai said was interesting. Here in my community the uncles and aunties gossip and spread rumours which might actually affect a family. In my community majority of Bangali guys marry Bangali girls. But the Bangalis that marry an Aussie or Indian or another other natio get disliked by the Bangali community. The aunties and uncles do not like the sight of a Bangali married to another person from a different nationality (unless you are of high class within the community).

The idea of dating and getting intimate is common within the younger Bangali generation. Similar to al Furqaan bhai drinking, smoking weed/ciggs (at age 15 or 16 above), sex are common within the younger Bangali generation. Clubbing/partying is also becoming common (depending in what suburb you live). This sort of behaviour is not known to aunties and uncles. And since these actions are 'unacceptable' in Islam this behaviour by the younger generation is kept hidden or out of sight.

If aunties/uncles find out abt a Bangali guy/girl dating another person the information will spread around the community and people might change attitudes towards the particular family. I have seen this happen with my own eyes.