I completely understand this, I've been in and out of serious depression since July last year, due to some relationship and personal problems and also a bit of misfortune, always end up arguing a lot with my parents, I lost 15 kgs in the last few months because of complete apetite loss, the depression thing is a bit better now but still returns sometimes randomly,I go into a deep sorrow mode and end up crying/sobbing without any apparent reason, I havent had any professional help,things have improved a bit with time, before I was constantly depressed all the time
Depression is an extrememly hard and painful thing to overcome and you never know when it'll end or return, you go through the pain every second of your life, from the moment you open your eyes from sleep to the moment to close them, and sometimes you cant even sleep because your head is so full of all these thoughts,and your heart feels so heavy, its like a very slow, extremely painful death that never seems to end,goes on for months,years or even your whole life, you dont know when it'll end, you lose interest in all things in life completely, the things that used to give you pleasure become dull and everything seems pointless,all you think about all day are your problems,these thoughts occupy your head, and you cant take them out of your brain, even if you manage to take your mind off them for a while, they come right back afterwards, basically you stop living, alhamdollilah things are changing now with time, Im getting better slowly now
ps. sorry for writing about my personal experience and illness, it was off topic