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Originally Posted by deshprem
that's pretty interesting. where's your community?
So what does that say about the bengali guys? that they lack the qualities that shada guys have? pretty disappointing if they have to fish in other territories to get what they want.
I can understand it though, here in sydney, I meet such talented, intelligent, humble, and classy girls, none of which are bengali girls. they're all ignorant, westernized too much, and think each of them are princesses and that guys should line up for them. it's funny because if you ask the same people what they have to offer in return, there's no answer.
even in sydney, bengali girls n guys are marrying into other races, even at age <21. Don't they have anything better to do?
I can see some sense in what Crisis is saying lol. The guy's just frustrated at their demands when there's some doubt to what they can offer in return. fair enough i'd say.
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Originally Posted by Banglatiger84
An interesting observation Asad Bhai; would you say the "community", covers all sorts of US-based Bangladeshis, as in, do girls from Masjid-going/halaqa attending families marry outside as well, or is it generally the more liberal ones who do so?
Of course race shouldnt be a factor, but religion is. And whether someone really converts or not isnt a big deal unless of course 25 years later if your kids marry into their family or vice versa
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I suppose there is no more harm done in me naming my community since given our location tab and people referring to me by name, my cover is blown in case some uncle stumbles upon this thread...
At any rate, to answer DP bhai's questions...what does it say about Bengali guys? I'm not sure, being a "Bengali guy" myself...however based on what my sisters and their friends say, there aren't enough "eligible" bengali guys, not just in our city/state but in the US. Key word being enough. And this is a serious issue, I worry about my sisters, being the older brother and all. Of course eligible means different things to different people. My sisters' + their friends' complaint is that all the Bengali/Muslim/desi guys are either "obsessed with sports" or "super dorky". There aren't enough guys who appreciate art, like "indie" music, or would choose to go a museum over the game, or aren't obsessed with computers or cars who are also practicing moderate muslims.
BT bhai, to answer your questions...my particular community is small-ish being from one of the smaller cities in the US. It pales in comparison to the massive community of say NYC which, by estimates I have heard, is home to 100,000 Bangladeshis in the five boroughs alone. Majority of our community, and almost everyone we interact with are what you would call "sheekhkhito" folks...doctors, professors, engineers, IT folks, etc. Everyone is middle class, 1-2 families are working class, and 2-3 families are upper class. About a quarter of the uncles regularly show up to jummah, with half of those having no qualms about attending cultural programs like Shadhinota Dibosh or Bongo Mela or Pohela Boishki celebrations. The other half of the quarter are more strict and avoid those programs and only attend the Eid/Iftar parties. Of course all types show up to the large dawats. There aren't any uncles that drink - at least not openly - and we don't have anyone who openly criticizes religion or authority. There are of course a few tablighi uncles as well.
The kids are a different matter. Several of my friends drink, smoke weed, and are active on the dating scene. Ever since high school, we've heard stories of a few of the girls being caught making out with white guys at the mall and sleeping around. Hardly surprising unless you're a parent. My mother was just telling me that several of the aunties were engaging in "bola boli" because two of my friends have started bringing their white girlfriends to weddings and other large gatherings.
So far, since the year 2000...there have been at least 12 weddings of kids in our community. 7 girls, 4 boys, and now I can't even remember who the 12th person is, lol. The girls have married, a Korean, a Moroccan, three white Americans, and two Bangladeshis. The white fellows all converted, and the Korean by most accounts did NOT. Of the boys, 2 married Bangladeshi (but one Urdu speaking), 1 married Pakistani Ismaili who did not convert, and one married white American (presumably converted, but not sure).
Why are we seeing this? That I think is simple, we spend most of our time around non Bangladeshis and so its expected that this will happen. The second thing is that I think most kids are either disillusioned with the traditional "arranged biye" or might be so rebellious/liberal that they absolutely refuse. Another thing is that our parents don't really encourage boys and girls to mix - I doubt that would change the statistics by much anyways, but they also don't look to arrange matches with people from the community, they look far away. And there aren't many who would entertain the idea of trying to get to know someone long distance who you've never met, when you're already seriously dating the white kid you met in sophomore lit.
Previously I thought it might have something to do with the fact that maybe its because Bengalis are, generally speaking, not that attractive. But that theory went out the window because one of the prettiest Bengali girls I ever seen married the most average looking, dorky white guy. And he doesn't even have any money. So clearly there is more than meets the eyes going on.