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Old October 31, 2012, 06:05 PM
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al Furqaan al Furqaan is offline
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Join Date: February 18, 2004
Location: New York City
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England are horrible when they go to India. It will be interesting if the BCCI's tactics of trying to extort Sky and BBC of money and then trying to get under England's skin with the practice matches will light a fire under England or not.

My predictions.

India will win best England can hope to make it 1-2. Traditionally flat Indian pattas will result in at least 1 or 2 high scoring draws. Man of the Series will be Ashwin and he will likely take 30-40 wickets.

Sehwag will be all over the place...he will hit one 150 ball double, and then play some horrendous shots to get dismissed under 20 a couple of times. Will mark the beginning of the end of his career, at the end of which he will end up averaging less than 50.

Sachin will continue to very slowly fade into oblivion. He will score yet another hundred...but this time it will be his entire 8-innings aggregate. He will be clean bowled 23 times over the course of the series, with 15 of them being reversed after the umpire sees Graeme Swan over-step on 10 of those 15. This series will pave the way for the Great Choke Artist to finally retire in 2036 citing the "need to hand over the responsibility to the next generation" despite the fact that his skills are "just as sharp as they were in 2020 or 1995".

Pujara will take over the #3 spot and do well enough to stay.

Kohli will destroy England by becoming the first man to score 1000 runs in a Test series. He will be the first man to score a triple, a double, and a single ton in the same series.

Yuvraj will get the spot over Raina for the first two tests but his batting failures will pave the way for Raina to come in, only to be bounced out by Broad and Finn for 4 consecutive golden ducks. Yuvraj's bowling will be unplayable by KP as KP will get out to him 4 times (one bowled, one lbw, one c & b, and one caught behind) from just 6 deliveries faced. After Yuvy gets benched, KP will compile 4 more dismissals against Ojha for next to nothing.

Ashwin and Ojha will share 79 wickets between them in the series. Shwinny will take his wickets at a shade over 15 a piece and Ojha at 20 a piece.

Zaheer will bowl 1 over in the open session of the series and break down with a strained mullet. He will miss 6 months of action while he gets his head shaved and re-grows his bollywood hair-do.

Ishant will have a breakout series. He will storm a comeback with a series haul of 200-40-900-1. All cricinfo pundits will clamor that finally Ishant has been able to break the cycle of bad luck after Finn top edges an attempted hook that Dhoni finally holds onto to wrap up the 4th and final Test.

Umesh will emerge as the fastest bowler in history. He will send down over after over of seriously evil pace. His slowest delivery will be a gentle off-cutter clocked at 148 and several deliveries will see the radar gun display "did he even bowl? i couldn't see the ball."

KP will get kicked out of England's team for good after his 8 dismissals to SLAs in the space of 20 deliveries. Upon reaching Gatwick, Broad will say "I'm not drinking with that loser again...maybe Raqibul Hasan can get UK citizenship and take his sorry place in the side."

Swann will struggle. He will find out how Indian batsman handle top class spinners. His series haul of 10 wickets will cost 1500 runs after which he will complain, "Indian pitches have a bit of turn, I saw Ashwin and Ojha get some, and I got even more, but their batters somehow always get the ball on the middle of the bat somehow. I think KP should buy some lessons from Umesh on how not to get out to a spinner even if you aren't scoring runs."

Broad, Anderson, Bresnan, and Finn will end up topping England's batting (and wickets) charts. India will reduce England's top order to an average score of 20-7 in the 8 innings, but will struggle to clean up the tail. Led by Broad's first ever double century, England will still manage to score an average of 300 runs for the last 3 wickets.

After the series, England will get thrashed 5-0 in the ODI series and fierce internet debates will pop up as to whether England's thrashing is worse than India's 0-4 mauling from the year before.
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